WAYS TO MAKE YOUR TODDLER MORE INDEPENDENT

I don't like talking about it, because I will make myself cry if I think about it hard enough.  But we are getting closer and closer to kindergarten over here.  And my girls are about to walk into a world their mother does not micromanage.  So with that in mind, I've been mindful of trying to teach my girls more responsibility and self reliance.  I've noticed a significant change in Everly these past few months.  So I thought it might be helpful to other moms if I shared some changes we've made that I think has made the biggest difference in her independence.

PICKING UP AFTER THEMSELVES

Enforce cleaning up after themselves with easy storage solutions like ottomans and baskets.  This makes picking up toys much easier for both my girls and myself.  It's easy for them to throw toys into a basket.  And I don't have expectations of it looking a certain way, like I do the items openly displayed on bookshelves or dressers.  I think this is key.  If I am going to enforce my toddler to pick up after herself, it's not fair of me to criticize her efforts if things aren't displayed perfectly.  We have some sort of basket or ottoman in every single room in the house for this reason.  It's much easier to get Everly to comply with putting her toys into a basket in the same room as opposed to carrying her toys upstairs to the playroom.

Picking up after herself is not a "chore" for my four year old.  It is an expectation.  She is not rewarded for it.  I try to teach her that if she is willing to make the mess, she has to be willing to clean it up.  Otherwise, don't get it out.  If she throws a fit about having to pick up her toys, she isn't allowed to get in the ottoman the next day after school.  It's the same expectation for dinner time.  Anyone who sits at the table and eats has to throw their own paper plate in the trash and cup in the sink.  I even put paper towels in an easy to reach location and make my four year old clean up her spilled milk.  Of course the process takes FOREVER, and she goes through half a roll of paper towels to clean up the tiniest spill.  But eventually this became habit for Everly and she cleans up her spilled messes without me even knowing.  Sometimes I'll find half the role of paper towels in the trash can, only to find out later Everly cleaned up water she had spilled.

Even my 20 month old has to help clean up after herself.  Of course with toddlers that young you have to set realistic expectations.  Addison takes her own plate to the trash.  But if she dumps 57 cheerios on the floor, it can be overwhelming for her to have to pick up every single one.  So I encourage her by getting down there myself and helping her.  However I always make sure to leave 10 cheerios on the floor for her to pick up and throw away herself.  Later on I will create some sort of "chore chart" that will allow them to get rewards for performing extra help around the house.  But picking up after themselves will not be on that list.

This may seem obvious and so simple.  But I am always surprised at how many birthday parties we attend where Everly is one of the few toddlers throwing her own plate away before she runs off to play.  Plus it makes the next day so much easier when the shoes are easy to find and the living room isn't cluttered.

GETTING READY FOR THE DAY

An easy morning for us starts the night before.  Everly and I recently started getting together Sunday night to go through her closet and pick out five agreed upon outfits that she will wear for the week.  She has really enjoyed this new process.  Since she prefers "work out clothes" all day every day, we compromise.  I pick out an outfit, then she picks out an outfit.  We alternate back and forth until all five outfits are put together.  We put those five outfits on the lower shelf in her closet separate from the rest of her wardrobe.  Then every morning once she finishes her breakfast and watches ten minutes of television, all I have to do is ask her to go get dressed.  And she knows exactly what to do.  There's no fuss, no arguing, no me running around trying to find her clean panties (most of the time).  She feels independent and more confident.  Almost always we walk out the door with shoes on the wrong feet.  But that's okay.  Girlfriend did it, and she did it all by herself.  

Speaking of walking out the door, teach your toddler how to turn off the TV.  The small things are sometimes the greatest help when we are running late and I'm across the room trying to get Addison's shoes on.

Now that Everly is in preschool, I'm trying to teach her to be mindful of what she needs to bring to school the next day, and be responsible enough to remember them herself.  Designate a noticeable spot for your toddler to put things they have to bring with them the next day.  For us, it's the kitchen table right next to the door.  If she has dance class the next day, I remind her that she needs to put her ballet shoes next to the door so she doesn't forget them.  If she has to turn in homework the next day, put it next to the door.  If she wants to bring a blanket to school for nap time, put it next to the door.  If your toddlers carry backpacks to school everyday, work with your toddler to fill up their backpack for the next day and have them hang it on the door you walk out of.  

Now here's the hard part- let them forget it if they don't grab what's next to the door.  There are days that Everly dances barefoot or takes naps without a blanket.  Of course you have to pick and choose items you will let them forget.  I'll typically grab the homework if she has forgotten it.  I'll ask her about it as we are driving to school to make her realize what she forgot.  Then I'll surprise her with it as we walk into preschool.  If she has a dress rehearsal, I'm not going to let her forget her dance shoes.  But I'll never grab a blanket for her.  

SNACK DRAWER

This has been a game changer.  Do you ever tire of hearing "Momma I'm hungry"? Or it's the middle of the morning work day madness and suddenly your toddler wants something to eat? Put together a "snack drawer" or a reachable "snack shelf".  I cleaned out one of the drawers in our kitchen and filled it with baskets full of her favorite snacks- fruit cups, pretzels, snack bars, peanut butter to-go cups.  Now anytime Everly professes her hunger at 3:00 in the afternoon, I'll tell her to head for the snack drawer (only if she ate her lunch adequately).  I don't let her in the snack drawer if she refused to eat a proper meal earlier that day.  Or if I ask her to pack her backpack for church or Nana's house, she can easily pack it herself with her favorite toys and snacks.  Now Momma can't be blamed for packing the wrong snack or the wrong color cup.  Keep a little stool in the kitchen for your older toddlers to get in the fridge, reach the paper towels, or grab fruit off the counter.  Everly loves eating her snacks at the island standing on the stool.

These tips are so simple.  But they have made the biggest difference in empowering Everly to be more independent.  She loves to participate in grocery shopping and decide what to fill her snack drawer with.  And she even loves helping Addison get dressed in the mornings once she is ready.  

I'd love to hear any tips you have for your older toddlers.  Please share them in the comments below.