MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DO

As Everly has grown and become more vocal, her ability to communicate with us has become so much easier.  She understands most of what we say.  She is putting sentences together and understands commands... and gives some commands herself.  She repeats words and names we ask her to say.  She copies my moves when we dance together.  She watches me when I am trying to teach her a new tumble trick.  When Everly is being stubborn and wont give Daddy a kiss, he will come kiss me, and soon she will follow.  Monkey see, monkey do- it's her favorite game to play.

The other day we were standing in the dog park watching Max play around and I was unconsciously tapping my cell phone against my leg while we waited.  I didn't realize what I was doing until Everly asked for Chad's phone.  When Chad wouldn't let her have it she got upset so I handed over mine.  She then proceeded to try tapping it against her leg and looked up at me with the proudest grin.  When we were all watching Max, she was watching me.  Tears came to my eyes.

It happened again over the weekend when I was cleaning our kitchen.  I was wiping our counters down with Clorox wipes and I looked up to see Everly pulling approximately fifty wipes out of her diaper bag.  Before I could get on to her she stood up and walked over to her play kitchen and proceeded to wipe everything down.  Emotion came over me again.  I felt silly.  But then I realized why- I had no idea she was watching me.  My baby is observing me, every move I make, even when I'm not commanding her to watch.  She is learning from me even when I don't realize it.

I've seen myself shine through in her before when she pats her baby doll on the back as she lays her down to go "night night". Or when she points her finger and tells Elmo "no bite!" But it was in those quiet moments when I thought no one was watching I heard God speak to me.  The words I say, the behaviors I model, even in those small unexpected moments, Everly is observing.  Am I modeling the example I want Everly to follow, that God wants her to follow? It was never more clear to me that I am shaping Everly's future and the kind of woman she will become.  Of course I knew that all along, but in those moments it smacked me right in the face.  

It's so easy to lose track of that fact in the day-to-day busy nonsense.  So that night I prayed.  Which isn't unusual for me.  I pray often and thank the Lord for the life He has blessed me with.  But I hardly ever pray for myself, almost always I pray for Chad and Everly.  I pray that He will watch over her, protect her.  I pray for Him to guide her down the path that He sees for her.  And the answer to my prayers stood clear in front of me in that dog park when my little girl started tapping my phone against her leg.  He is using me to guide Everly.  And that night, I prayed for myself.

I've always felt like I was just winging life, taking it day by day blindly, doing whatever felt good.  I question everyday whether or not I am doing this right.  But motherhood has given me a purpose and a direction.  He is using me to raise His children.  I live my life for her, for Him.  There is something so magical about motherhood.  It has a way of completely breaking you down until you're on your knees and then lifting you up in the most powerful way all at the same time.  (remember that emotional whiplash I referred to a few posts back?)

Thank you Lord.  Thank you for my little monkey and this amazing circus.  And thank you for using Everly to make me a better person and a better Christian in return.  As someone who fails you everyday, I will not fail you with this.  

I live my life for you baby girl.

PS - sorry Mom and Grandma for making fun of you all these years for being the emotional messes you both are, as I am now one myself.  You both love so much it hurts and I now understand what that means.  And thank you for being my guidance and my shield as I was growing up.  I am the woman I am today thanks to you.